How Do I Take Care of Myself While I'm Grieving?
First, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Your body, mind, and spirit are all weathering a shock. Grief is often described as a syndrome with intense emotional responses. But grief can pack a mighty punch even beyond emotions: There are cognitive, physical, and spiritual effects, too.
To figure out how to care for yourself or get outside help, first pay attention to the symptoms you're experiencing.
The most prevalent emotional symptoms are the following:
- Sadness, grief, sorrow, mourning, depression, and suicidal thoughts
- Guilt and regret
- Anger, disappointment, rage, fury
- Numbness
- Fear, panic, and anxiety
Expressing these feelings often helps you to move through them, rather than getting stuck in them. But this takes time. As a first step, try your best to notice, identify, and articulate each time any particular feeling surfaces.
It's often helpful to jot down your thoughts in a journal or in a letter, even one that you might never send. If you'd like to express your feelings to someone other than a friend or relative, or you feel you need more serious guidance in dealing with them, consider consulting mental health professionals such as counselors, social workers, psychotherapists, or psychologists. Psychiatrists treat mental health issues, but they can also prescribe medication, if needed.
It's common when you're grieving to experience cognitive or mental symptoms, too. For example:
- Inability to concentrate or focus on a task
- "Stinking thinking," often associated with feelings of guilt or remorse
- Confusion or short attention span
- Failure to process facts and details accurately
- Forgetfulness or amnesia
Most of these symptoms show up in the initial hours and days after a loss. Your best remedy is usually to simply be patient, because these symptoms most often disappear without any significant intervention. Still, it's best to avoid making any major life decisions until you feel a bit less foggy. Some people are even advised to avoid driving a car, operating machinery, or riding a bike or motorcycle. If you must make big decisions, ask for help from others who may be more clearheaded.
While you're grieving, you might also experience physical symptoms. Examples:
- Fatigue or exhaustion due to sleep deprivation
- Excessive sleep
- Changes in appetite
- Susceptibility to viruses or illnesses such as the flu or a cold
- Aches and pains, especially headaches and backaches
- Upper respiratory ailments and infections
This is a time to excel at self-care. It's crucial to eat balanced meals and avoid junk food, drink only a moderate amount of alcohol, practice regular hygiene, and get ample rest. If you can afford to pay for a little bit of pampering, don't hesitate: A soothing massage, a soak in a hot tub, a manicure and pedicure, a shampoo and haircut, or a facial can all help ease your mind along with your physical symptoms.
If physical symptoms persist, it may be wise to get assistance from a medically trained professional, such as a doctor, nurse, physician's assistant, chiropractor, body worker, or acupuncturist.
It's also common while grieving to have spiritual symptoms. Examples include:
- A crisis of confidence in religious or spiritual beliefs
- Difficulty in making meaning of the loss
- Difficulty in understanding life, or life without the deceased
You may find that contemplative activities, such as meditation or reflection or yoga (which is also great for the body's physical symptoms), are sufficient to address these concerns. Some people find that writing in a journal about their spiritual concerns or crisis is helpful.
You might also consider seeking help from religious or spiritual counselors,including trained clergy or laypeople whose helping styles are guided by religious or spiritual teachings.
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Martha Clark Scala, Nov 06, 2011
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Comment: Do not hesitate to reach out to family members and friends for help with your activities of daily living. When I lost my dad, I found it difficult some days just to get out of bed -- let alone do the laundry, cook a meal or wash the dishes. If you're struggling on this fundamental level, let your family members and friends know. Based on their availability, ask them to come over for a period of time on a weeknight or the weekend to help you accomplish these basic tasks. No one will think any less of you for struggling. Your loved ones will be happy to help you, and you'll be doing them a favor, too: they WANT to help but don't know how. By asking them to help you with specific tasks, you're allowing them to show how much they care about you. Finally, don't feel guilty for putting your needs first. Especially if you have children who are suffering from grief, you need to take care of yourself in order to help them process their loss and to set an example of how to cope with the grieving process.
